Oct 24, 2008

Procrastination, Hallowe'en, and Sex : Ribaldry Ahoy

As you can see from my cool new poll option to your right, it's almost Halloween, and that means it's time for procrastinating about your costume.

I'm a Hallowee'en person. Comes with the territory. I'm a fan of things that lick and slither. And every year I manage to convince myself that THIS YEAR! I'll come up with a fantastic costume, wow the Great Unwashed, and end up winning multiple prizes at my local bars. And of course, every year I end up having drinks with friends in jeans and a hat. Or, one memorable year, getting dolled up, heading out to the local gauth barre, and realizing the Hallowe'en event was the next day. It's time for me to admit it: I procrastinate the fuck out of Hallowe'en.

It's no lack of love, I assure you. It's more of a lack of faith in myself. I'm lucky to have a lot of friends who share my tastes; some who go as far as to live out their passions weekly with friends, some who are professional photographers and makeup artists who could spank any of us with the power of their costumes, and some for whom every day really is Hallowe'en. And I love all of them. I can't abide boring people. If you have a fire inside of you and you spend your life trying to put it out with a big hose full of "I'll do it later", I ache for you. And I'm sure not going to lie and say I'm not the same damn way. I am. I procrastinate on a daily basis, and it's not about the dishes and the laundry.

I procrastinate mostly about things I enjoy. I love blogging here. I am here most of the day. And every time I have an idea for a blog post, I file it away and get to it later. There's a six month gap on this site full of "I'll do it laters" and now I've forgotten most of them.

And waffling on participating in a holiday I enjoy has its own corollary - the more we put it off, the more of a problem it feels like - in the sense that the weight, and heft, if you will, seems heavier and more burdensome than exciting and fun.

We do this to ourselves too, about things like sex. I mean this in the sense of when we don't have enough faith in our own ability to enjoy ourselves. My Old Man has a great saying - "just let go". Like a costume, I can spend hours denigrating myself over how I look (in this case, naked) and what signal it'll send ("no effort in THAT costume!")or whether I'm even "good enough" to go - who likes that person at the costume contest with a t-shirt that says "This Is My Costume"? No one! Effort! I like to do things up right, you know? I like to be great at everything I do, and I can't relax until I AM. Which is a vicious little circle of self-downing...I stress myself out and worry too much, it becomes bad sex unwittingly, and bad sex can be summed up in three words: "did my duty". Whereas good sex is summed up with "unnghghff" because verbalization becomes a bit of an aside to our glowing new sense of self-satisfaction (and other satisfaction, if you've done your job right.)

I don't want to "do my duty" for Hallowe'en. It's the time of year for horror fans and freakadoos like myself to run rampant and enjoy the brief celebration of our peculiar interests. When enjoying something starts to feel like a burden, it's time to re-assess the...duty...at hand.

So I'm going all out. I'm going to start on the costume today, have some pictures up hopefully for tomorrow. My costume is 100% vegan (you'd be surprised what's not!) and I think somewhat clever. If I end up spending my Hallowe'en in Azeroth putting out Town Hall fires, then that'll be because it was the most fun thing I found to do, and I'm not going to ride myself for it.

And if I end up buying one of those Playboy-issued "Slutty Bank Teller", "Slutty Veterinarian", "Slutty IT Project Manager" costumes instead, it'll be because of that heft - the one that makes duty a pure and constant pleasure, between me and My Old Man.

To kick off, I've dolled up my logo in a cute retro cookbook costume. Isn't she cute? Hopefully it won't be cold so she won't have to wear a parka overtop. Stupid Canadian Hallowe'en.


Oct 19, 2008

The Holy Grail: Vegan Kraft Dinner

Or macaroni and cheese, for you non-Canadians!

First, I just want to say hello it is nice to have you here to our new subscribers! I am thrilled, and therefore I got blocked and was all "the next post better be really good" because, you know, performance anxiety, so I figure I'll start with the one thing tons of vegans have taken a bash at...mac n'cheese. I miss it. I love it. It's my friend, and we don't abandon friends just because we've changed. I don't wanna be that gal. I've seen those Afterschool Specials. I'll end up in a car wreck or something and learn a valuable lesson about friendship and that's time I don't have.

Making vegan KD is like unearthing treasure. You try tons of different routes to get to the golden prize and most of them end up being pits full of snakes and rats.

I started with Carol's recipe and made a few adjustments, but I do not take credit for this recipe and I changed very little.

K so you need:

* 1/2 cup nutritional yeast flakes
* 1/2 cup white flour
* 1-2 teaspoon garlic powder
* 2 cups soymilk (USE PLAIN!! Sweetened = BARF)
* 1/4 cup margarine
* 1/2 teaspoon Dijon mustard
* 1 tsp turmeric (or tumeric or whatever, just put it in there)
* 1 tbsp miso (I used the one that's the colour of fridges from the 70's)
* YOU CAN TOTALLY CHEAT and add Tofutti "cream cheese" as well - when I heated this up for the second munch it was a bit dry so I stirred in a tbsp of the herb/garlic Tofutti and it was BAD ASS.

Do this now:
Mix dry ingredients in a saucepan. Whisk in milk. Cook over medium heat, whisking constantly, until it thickens and bubbles.

Cook and stir 30 seconds more, then remove from the heat. Whip in the margarine and mustard. Add more milk or water if mixture is too thick.

Then stir in the macaroni, UMM UMM GOOD!

When I plated it, I had to walk back to the kitchen for a fork and I came back to the following staredown.

It was REALLY good. The colour doesn't really come through here, but it was literally flourescent yellow and creamy and fine, and even my old man said "yup, that's good stuff."

It does sort of thicken up overnight. I was concerned that it solidified, but microwave + a bit of liquid = even better the next day, so go team me!

I'm not kidding about the term "Holy Grail" either. There are, at a conservative estimate, 19 billion vegan KD recipes out there, and no one seems to like anyone else's, so if you don't like this, dive in and be like the Indiana Jones of vegan mac n' cheese. Then you can say cool things like "Hey, I have a whip" and you will mean "to make food with" but other people will assume you're just an awesome dude with a whip and probably try to make out with you.

BONUS TIP: Cats don't like this

Oct 2, 2008